Ever been so tired that you just want to do nothing and crash? A busy week that took it's toil on you physically, mentally, and/or emotionally? Ever returned home from a missions trip to desire nothing but a decent shower and American food? I have. It takes you to a place that you know what you want, and anything that stands in opposition to that is simply a hinderance and must be set aside till another time.
I was reading and studying Mark 6:30-44. This is Mark's account of the feeding of the 5,000. I've heard and read this story more times than I can count. After a study on this passage, God began to reveal some things to me. Thoughts generated about my walk, my life, my responses, my testimony of my relationship with Him.
See, the apostles set out as missionaries, had just returned and they were, as we are introduced to them, meeting with Jesus and telling Him all that had happened. Can you picture yourself here? I've been on several missions trips, 1 to Poland, and 2 to Mexico, and several stateside. No matter where I've been, God has shown up. When I get back, I desire to tell anyone and everyone what God did - in me, through me and for me. Imagine sitting with Jesus... Imagine telling Him the wonderful things His Father had done... It's humbling to think about.
Jesus decided to call them away for rest. As they talked about their missionary journey, people were constantly coming to them. Imagine having something to share with Jesus, and not being able to finish a sentence. Imagine being interrupted just when you get to the part that meant so much to you. There wasn't even time to eat. So... Jesus got in a boat with them and they departed. Their departure didn't stop the people. They had been identified and the people were running on foot along the shoreline, only to beat them to where they were going. Can you imagine the frustration of the disciples? They thought they were going to get a moment of rest... a moment with Jesus... alone. No ministry to the sick. No healing the diseased. No deliverance to those in chains. They had an agenda of rest... and time with God.
Here's where God began to stir some thoughts in my heart and mind. They were interrupted from their journey. Their place of solitude became a place of ministry. What would have been my perspective from the boat? All the people? Or would I have been moved with compassion like Jesus? Some days, honestly, I'm not sure. I would love to think that I would see their needs. I would love to believe that my heart would be sensitive to real needs in people's lives.... I'd love to believe it - if I followed that compassion with what God asked me to do.
Jesus was moved with compassion. Jesus... moved with compassion. He was sensitive to know their need, even before they asked. He knew these folks needed some guidance and they needed some instruction. What is Jesus to do, but to teach them. Meet their need. That was His life's mission - to ultimately meet the needs of our heart and life. He taught until it was late. The disciples thought about the possible needs of the people. They knew they were probably hungry after being with Jesus all day.
They went to Jesus and made a command to Him to release the people... in order that they may go and find sustenance for their bellies. Jesus replied... "You feed them." WOW.
How many times have I made a statement to God, not based on scripture, but based on emotion, based on my circumstance. Not necessarily demanding action from Him, more like telling Him, you HAVE to do this. Through this passage of scripture, God reminded me today about my commands to Him. Anytime I make a command or request something of God, I should NEVER be shocked to hear Him reply, "You __________." He told the disciples, "You feed them." He released them to do what He could in the lives of the thousands seeking Him. I love the disciples simply because I'm constantly remided that I'm just like them.... or they were just like me... Either way, I relate to them. The NLT states their response was "With what?" They doubted what God commanded them to do. They doubted His provision for their instruction. They didn't have faith in the one that was with them that freely gave ALL things to anyone and everyone who had a need.
They ultimately found five loaves of bread and two fish. A decent size meal for a family, but for several thousand people...
Here's where God kicked me in the teeth. When He releases me through instruction, He will provide. In the end, the thousands of people were fed, and the disciples gathered enough to take home a basket each (12) of leftovers.
God won't force me or you into obedience. He won't force us to serve Him in faith. God doesn't force us to do anything. That's why He's God. Otherwise, he'd be a dictator. He provides for them... A job given to the disciples. Jesus blessed the bread and began to break it. That basket went forever. I've tried to imagine myself as one of the disciples that day. I think I would have brought this up to someone that the bread on my platter wasn't going away. After the 500th person came by and the bread hadn't changed, I'd be calling somebody. The thing is, the disciples missed the amazing opportunity to be used by God to meet the needs of the people. Not only that, but they didn't get it at all. Spiritually and mentally it went right over their heads... They were there, tired and wanting rest, but all the while absent from the opportunity that God had placed in their laps.
How many times do I respond to God's instruction with a response of "with what?" How many times have I focused on the enormity of the 5,000 people and not on their need? How many times have I missed the opportunity to be used by Him because I've not sought out through faith what He'd have me do... I'm convinced, if He's given me the assignment, He'll see to it's completion.
All I know is that often in prayer I am quick to "tell" God what I need. Sometimes He's waiting for my obedience to His responsive instruction to my situation. I don't want to miss the opportunities of blessing for myself or for others because of my perspective. I'm praying for more compassion. I'm praying for a more sensitive heart to the needs of others. I'm also praying that He'd develop his strength in me to be His vessel to speak to others.
Commands breed instruction. And I desire to follow Him whatever that instruction looks like.
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